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Lover

by Ghost Noise

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1.
Rising Sign 04:30
Everyone says seasons must change Give it some time and this hurt will pass away The trees will grow, the leaves will fall They’re telling me I’ll forget about you someday But I know I could never ever forget about you When our pulsing skin hits the metal blade We watch as all our dreams pass by and start to fade Well, maybe we need to change the scene Just tell me that you’re ready and I’ll meet you at the station Tonight — Just like a film we could leave it all behind Tonight — I promise I’ll still hold your hand in the next life Breathless love Two beating hearts Sleepless nights Lie in the dark My days drift away amidst bootleg films, drunk on the chaise lounge again They harp on and on that it's a vibrant city, but it hasn't been the same without you That bureau drawer where you kept your name and your face and your heart and your handgun became the dividing line between your rising sign and the friends I could never write back to It sure as hell wasn't in my hands when you drove that motorcycle down that cobblestone path and pulled over beside the library lamppost clutching your keys like a scapular I always knew I would inevitably lose you to the call of those eastern winds I just prayed between the jukebox and the ashtray that you’d exit in silence with nary a word nor a look
2.
Ever since school started up in the fall You feel your best when you feel nothing at all You haven’t been to church since Pentecost You’ve got one more teenage year Your mind is wracked by Catholic guilt Your limbs still quiver from those feelings you felt When you kissed your friend at the back of the bus You’ve got one more teenage year Each class you take means nothing to you The friends you invent replace the ones that you lose You’re writing a novel you don’t even like You’ve got one more teenage year You broke up your band because you don’t like your own songs You can’t find a place where your heart belongs So you hide your face behind a camera lens You’ve got one more teenage year You’ve been in and out of the same place And now you’re too afraid to show your face The hearts you broke fall out of your notebook But you swear it’s not really how it looks And you are nearly In tears, I’m sorry One more teenage year You are so much stronger than you think you are
3.
You’ve been running a long time Searching for a new life Time is moving faster But the beat is slowing down And the glitter from the party Gets in your eyes so you can’t see that Love is not a child’s game Some pieces just can’t be replaced It’s who you love, it’s who you can’t It’s everyone you miss — just a phone call away From these solitary days that you just can’t take anymore It’s all the hurt inside you know you’ll never forgive Forget the lies they told about your friend That cold posh posturing won’t help them sleep at night Down the hall to your bedroom You hold a memory that binds you To the old house from your wild youth And the secrets that you kept Doing anything for a good time Disregarding what you might find Speeding down the highway To get you anywhere but home
4.
Epiphany 04:07
I spent the summer with the symphony To forget about a city that no longer loved me The autumnal lilt of Stravinsky Reminded me: Even the greatest loves have their endings The coming winter and the one preceding Felt so far away; no cemeteries And the Rite of Spring crashed just like lightning The swell of the strings summed up all of my feelings Forget the rain, it doesn't rain here anymore This is a bloodstained, autobiographical account Of a desolate, endless walk alone The seasons change but you couldn’t care less Your eyes said it before your lips could try And going home never felt so tragic The faith I lost was nothing but a lie At 3 AM you were just a whisper But I swear you would've thought you were an opera singer Did you plant those evergreens just for me to find you? My candles burn bright so I hope that guides you But I only have you in photographs And I only have you in video tapes from the ‘90s Can you see why that whisper felt so loud? I'd forgotten what you sounded like and I'm not proud So I’m going to Forget the rain, it doesn't rain here anymore
5.
I’ve been searching for you Calling out your name Finally I’ve found you And nothing is the same You were gone in seconds Years passed in the night But I knew you were out there Hiding from the light You’ve got that look In your eyes That follows me To the back of the room You pray you’ll never see the end of the night You’re running out of excuses to move Closer and closer The night isn’t over You want me to forgive But I want to forget We’re making the same mistakes And we’re caught in endless regret It’s hard enough To be alone And when you leave I won’t know where to go I pray we never see the end of the night
6.
Your violet dress, his dark gray suit They suited you well in 1942 And from a French bunker your brother read the news About the night you fell in love on Coney Island Avenue Racing down the hall in your Oxford shoes To the study where your mother clutched a tissue She said you ought to sit down because there’s terrible news And you thought about that night on Coney Island Avenue That photograph of you with your friends So young and demure with your arms crossed Days become years, and foolish as it seems I still believe I’ll see you again I prayed that I might ever afterward fool myself Into believing you were but a dream Hiding behind the artifice of my sylvan composure To sate the gaze of the camera For no eyes but yours could ever glow across the pages Of the non-fiction my hands know as their own My dear, dare I declare it in semaphore I know it to be true — I will always wait for you
7.
The pleasure of pain is all we have We’ve said so much we can’t take back Grab your knife and kiss my neck, darling Burn the letters that I sent When you start your car Drive fast and please try to forget If we ever wake up from this dream I hope our beds are miles apart Because we are not lovers, we are Two ghosts with distance in our hearts Staring down from the highest floor Wondering how long it would take to fall I know we’ll be better off this way Your arms are the only home I know But you tell me to leave Different sides of the same story Confessions we’ll never speak I don’t know what this means to you But I know what this means to me Grab your knife and kiss my neck, darling I have nothing left to lose It kills me that I’ll never find Anyone else like you
8.
I could show you where I died Before you brought me back to life Some things should stay buried A memory I shouldn’t carry Whispers that were meant for you Were tossed around and misunderstood The sea that separates us Is the distance between love and trust None of this is true I’m really only living through you I could show you where I died Before you brought me back to life Some things should stay buried A memory I shouldn’t carry Messages you sent to me Are lost in the fog of a dream A velvet curtain closes I hope to see you when it opens None of this is true I’m really only living through you
9.
You offer me a cigarette I tell you all my secrets Oh god, that sound is the sound of truth I’ve never met anyone like you You’re a holiday from every broken dream I don’t know what you see in me Every time you cry The music will be by your side Do you ever feel like the late night DJ is the only one Who understands the way you feel when they play your song You offer me another cigarette I tell you all my secrets Let the needle drop down I’m only living when you’re around You’re a holiday from every broken dream I don’t know what you see in me
10.
Novena 03:28
I’ll wait for you in the vestibule Segredos e desejos Violets in hand at the back of the school Segredos e desejos You call it a ceremony of lust Segredos e desejos We haven’t any secrets when the candles are hushed Eu quero ser adorado I’ve got nine days until I see you It’s a desperate novena You hid from the party, I hid from myself Segredos e desejos It was more about the velvet than the shards of glass Segredos e desejos Crying in the back of the ambulance Segredos e desejos You swore your mother would never understand Eu quero ser adorado I’ve got nine days until I see you It’s a desperate novena Eu quero ser adorado Under unfaithful constellations I write this letter for your eyes alone I will never forget the way you buttoned that top button And said goodbye with a glance through a heaven of darkness Now the snow outside my window has left me a recluse And the stars outside my window, they whisper without end: “This was supposed to be the next part of our dream This was supposed to be our novena”

credits

released December 21, 2018

All songs written by Ghost Noise

Josh Dean • synthesizer, percussion, programming
Gawby Weinstein • synthesizer, guitar, vocals
John Casey Connolly • synthesizer, guitar, vocals

Produced, mixed, and mastered by Joseph Calleiro

Cover art by Ben Collins

Cover lettering by Luis Naranjo

Recorded in Los Angeles

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Ghost Noise Los Angeles, California

// lyrical emotional pop //

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